MR. SLUMP

“Her letters are actually

answered by Mr. Slump,

who lives in an ever-

increasing alcoholic haze”

—Evelyn Waugh, The Loved One

Mr. Slump, known as Guru Brahmin—

An ironic name for a drunken creep

Who’s basically always in a slump

Mr. Slump lives in an ever-increasing—

Alcoholic daze, steadily deteriorating

Due to his smoking and alcoholism

For the first hours of every day—

Slump was possessed by a cough

Which arose from Tartarean depths

Only whiskey could revive him—

Retching, shivering, doing his

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts routine